First of all, there are so many things I have been struggling with. Do I want a natural childbirth? How will I know when I'm going into labor? What if I do something wrong? What if there is something wrong with her? How are we going to afford everything she needs? What if something happens in the next 16 weeks and I lose her? Ugh... I hate this feeling. I know life happens according to His plan, but I've always struggled with control and intense worrying that something is going to go wrong.
It definitely doesn't help that Drew is at his AT for 2 weeks and I'm done with school and have been working less than 22 hours a week. I'm really just bored and have too much time to think. And I'm reading an autobiography in which a woman loses her baby and has to give birth to a stillborn (it was a surprise part of the story... Trust me, I wouldn't have read it if I knew that was going to happen.)
I had another checkup yesterday. My doctor said I am measuring big (about 2 weeks ahead). Of course, that scared the crap out of me and made me worry that I'm eating too much. I know she will be a big baby (I was almost 10 pounds). That scares me too, naturally.
Anyways, my doctor wants me to have another ultrasound in 6 weeks. I can't wait that long to see the baby again and be able to tell that she is okay and healthy. Maybe she will just say that they got my due date wrong and I'm due a little earlier than expected. Next time I go in, I will have a glucose test to tell if I have gestational diabetes and a blood test for anemia. I'm not scared about the anemia because I figure I probably am or will be-- but g.d. scares me.
Blah. I think I just need to do something productive tomorrow to take my mind off all the worrying.
On a positive note, I got my first pair of LOFT maternity pants and they are incredibly comfortable. I've had a hard time dressing for work lately and feeling cute so they were a welcome addition to my wardrobe. I'm also lucky that my boss had a baby about a year ago and was willing to give me all of her maternity clothes. That sure has made my life a lot easier (and my wallet a lot more full).
