First of all, there are so many things I have been struggling with. Do I want a natural childbirth? How will I know when I'm going into labor? What if I do something wrong? What if there is something wrong with her? How are we going to afford everything she needs? What if something happens in the next 16 weeks and I lose her? Ugh... I hate this feeling. I know life happens according to His plan, but I've always struggled with control and intense worrying that something is going to go wrong.
It definitely doesn't help that Drew is at his AT for 2 weeks and I'm done with school and have been working less than 22 hours a week. I'm really just bored and have too much time to think. And I'm reading an autobiography in which a woman loses her baby and has to give birth to a stillborn (it was a surprise part of the story... Trust me, I wouldn't have read it if I knew that was going to happen.)
I had another checkup yesterday. My doctor said I am measuring big (about 2 weeks ahead). Of course, that scared the crap out of me and made me worry that I'm eating too much. I know she will be a big baby (I was almost 10 pounds). That scares me too, naturally.
Anyways, my doctor wants me to have another ultrasound in 6 weeks. I can't wait that long to see the baby again and be able to tell that she is okay and healthy. Maybe she will just say that they got my due date wrong and I'm due a little earlier than expected. Next time I go in, I will have a glucose test to tell if I have gestational diabetes and a blood test for anemia. I'm not scared about the anemia because I figure I probably am or will be-- but g.d. scares me.
Blah. I think I just need to do something productive tomorrow to take my mind off all the worrying.
On a positive note, I got my first pair of LOFT maternity pants and they are incredibly comfortable. I've had a hard time dressing for work lately and feeling cute so they were a welcome addition to my wardrobe. I'm also lucky that my boss had a baby about a year ago and was willing to give me all of her maternity clothes. That sure has made my life a lot easier (and my wallet a lot more full).
Ok im going to give you my best labor and delivery advice. A birth pkan is just that, a plan. However you know what they say about best laid plans... think about what you want/ need and make sure everyone knows it but also dont be afraid to change your mind in the moment. No one knows how childbirth will be for them until they experience it. Just dont wait to speak your mind if you need something. Also, i dont know how you feel about people being in the delivery room but here is food for thought... you have two hands that need to be held and drew is only one person. As for your worries i would say they are completely normal. But if your doc was worries about anything you would be having many many more ultrasounds so take it as a good sign. You are starting to get close so hang in there and start getting excited!
ReplyDeleteThanks Amanda. =) Always the voice of reason. And seeing as you've been through it twice now, I like having your advice.
ReplyDeleteM always around if u need anything :)
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